She stood at the alter dressed in white, a vision of pure loveliness.  When the minister asked the bride the most important question, she softly whispered, "I do."  She squeezed his hand and look at her intended lovingly.  He smiled.  When asked the same question, the groom replied "I do"  She turned to him and said, "Why did you say it like that?"  The hardest part about relationships is being in them!  It's much easier to look at someone else's relationship and offer advice and suggestions!
 
There's a miracle called marriage that dwells deep within our hearts, where God the loving Father, tenderly bonds the start. 
But to every man and woman where this union of love will bind, they must strive to see the other as a treasure hard to find.
And therein lies the miracle of a marriage meant to be, and may it be blessed by God the Father for all the world to see.
 
This poem is on a plaque on our bedroom wall; a wedding gift.  I've looked at it often and stopped at what a miracle marriage truly is...to love and forgive someone and actually grow to love them more every year!  Some days it seems the 'hard to find treasure' is like pan-handling for gold on the banks of the Mississippi in Winona!  As I went to the bedroom to write this poem down, word for word, Luis, sitting in his 'studying chair' reading his Thoracic Surgery textbook, asked me what I was doing.  "Jotting down this poem," I said.  "Have you ever read it?" I asked.  "Every morning!" he said.  "Good answer...." was my reply. 
 
Luis is a Cardiothoracic surgery fellow and we've been married for 11 years.  This marriage minute is dedicated to my husband because without him, I wouldn't have had such a chance to grow in faith and humility, coming face to face with the one who needed to change the most in my marriage...ME!!  It's taken many reminders that the war is not with flesh and blood, namely Luis, but with the selfish desires within me!  (Eph. 6:12) 
 
The devil prowls along, looking for holes in our 'armor' and mine weren't hard to find.  Insecurities, fears, uncertainty, lacking respect for my husband, demanding, unable to trust, these qualities are a poison in marriage and I possessed them all...sometimes more than one at a time!  Thank God for the antidote!  Prayer.  The developing of a strong faith relationship with Jesus, the one who loves me and you unconditionally, enough to die for each of us!  I realized early in my marriage and continue to realize that as a wife who claims Christ as my Lord and Savior, I need to first develop that relationship with Him, Jesus.
 
My lifelong friend and sister in Christ encouraged me to get a copy of this book, 'The Power of a Praying Wife' nine or 10 years ago.  I'm sure she got tired of hearing about what Luis had 'done' that was so terrible and my 'woe is me' stories, knowing I would take off to my parents, leaving Luis in the wake of my own wrath over something he had done or said that wasn't how I thought it should be.  I am not saying that he didn't do or say anything to warrant my 'fight and flight' reactions, but as a Christian woman, I knew things were quite off balance and unhealthy.  I knew it took two to tango, or in our case salsa (Cali, Colombia where Luis is from is the home of SALSA dancing!!), but I wasn't willing to let him lead the dance.  I really wanted the control to feel safe and secure.
 
Since then, I've learned that the more confident a woman becomes in Christ, the more she can let her husband lead, especially if she's praying for him.  My friend once encouraged me that if my husband isn't being as supportive as he 'could be,'  (after all he is a sinner, just like me!),  I should imagine Christ as my 'husband' and whatever I do, do it for Jesus!  Somehow that visual during certain trials in my life helped me to love, and especially forgive, through difficult times.  Loving a sinner is what Jesus does daily for us!
 
Well, I ran out and bought this book the day my friend suggested it!  I remember reading the first few pages of this book in tears because of how it not only seemed to speak straight to how I was feeling about Luis, about our marriage, but also for the renewed sense of HOPE I had that there was something I could do to make things better!  At least to calm the storm raging inside of me by spending time with the Lord.
 
What the world doesn't teach is that making sacrifices, even though it means dying to ourselves in some way, is actually worth the temporary pain for eternal gain!  Your marriage is precious to God!  You are ONE in His sight!  That gives you the most important partnership position in his, your husband's, life!  (Not his work 'colleagues' or friends!)
 
These Proverbs verses actually reiterate the important role of a wife by showing how TORTUROUS it can be for a husband when his wife doesn't take responsibility for her role.  "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife!" Prov. 25:24  (This is Minnesota ladies!) 
"Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife!"  Prov. 21:19.  (Is Luis job hunting only in Arizona?  Thankfully 'NO!')   One of my favorites is this, "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears her down!"  Prov.  14:1.  I know you aren't supposed to add or take away from the scriptures, but we could certainly include our tongues in that verse!  When things are going wrong in my home, I have to look at what I'm doing....what I'm not doing...what I should be doing...what I'm saying...how I'm saying it.  We are responsible to love, even in the face of another's irresponsibility.
 
Our greatest tempatation to sin is when someone first sins against us.  But their sin NEVER justifies our sin.  Fighting your husband's irresponsibility with irresponsibility of your own is like pouring gasoline on a fire!  It just makes things that much more explosive, that much worse.  The Bible's approach is this: let love conquer evil; let responsibility shame irresponsibility.  A gentle answer turns away wrath. 
 
When it comes to husbands, the Holy Spirit is the change agent, not yours or my nagging, complaining, disrespectful ways.  Ruth Graham wisely says, "Tell your mate the positive and tell God the negative."  Before you starting asking God to change your husband though, ask him to work on you!
 
It may seem one-sided, but our purpose is to first look at our own "plank" for the the Bible states you must first remove the plank from your own eye before you can remove the speck from someone else's.  As wives, we need to help our husbands by seeking good for them, but knowing that the best hands for them to be in are God's!  This frees us from the need to change them.  God is the potter, the creator, and in His hands only will we become all we are meant to be.
 
Five years ago when Luis started residency here at Mayo, I knew it was an answer to prayer.  We started our life together here 6 years before that and through a series of closed doors and open windows, God brought us back.  In His timing.  Which I knew was just perfect because of the circumstances surrounding us at the time.  We both shed a tear when we got the call to return to residency!  Me, because I knew God was with us, hearing my prayers.  Luis, probably because he knew residency wasn't exactly a walk in the park!  Nevertheless, he was very grateful for the opportunity.  His faith grew when I shared how I had been praying for him; the specific details of what I had prayed.
 
Amazingly my prayers as a wife have been passionately renewed as we face the end of his fellowship next summer!  This time I feel that I have a network of prayer partners who are praying for my husband and I, which is wonderfully comforting and as it should be in Christian fellowship.  In this room ladies is at least one friend or sister in Christ willing to support you in prayer; for you as a wife and for your husband.  As wives, let's trust in the power of God to change us and our marriages, letting the creator 'do His thing!' with what He's made.  Thank you!