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On Such a Journey
Love Gift - 2010
By Nicole D.
If I had to summarize my time in Rochester with one word, it would be “discovery”. I have discovered a lot about myself, my marriage, my calling and my God. Most of my discovery comes from hindsight, so bear with me as I reflect for a few minutes.
I have held many different roles during my time here. I joined Kevin in Rochester at the end of April 3 years ago; we had been married exactly one week. No one has perfect motives for anything and I am no exception. I had waited years to be married, hoping Kevin would be “the one”. I must admit, there was a part of me that hoped this would make me finally feel complete. I don’t need to tell any of you that being married simply didn’t “complete me” the way I had hoped. After about six weeks I was bored and unemployed.
But I didn’t see my discontent for what it truly was and instead started looking towards having a job to occupy time and be that missing piece. Two months after becoming a wife, I added the role of “receptionist” to my repertoire. Nothing glamorous, but it paid the bills and occupied time. Soon, however, I was bored again [Disclaimer: I loved the people I worked with at RE/MAX, just not the actual work I was doing]. I felt my skills and intelligence were being wasted, and I longed to work in a position where what I did was meaningful. So, I decided I should continue with my original career plan, and I began working on my master’s in NT studies. After two quarters in an online program I found myself “unsatisfied with the caliber of the program” (please hear “bored”).
At this point, Kevin and I had been married for a year, and we decided we would go off the pill and “see what happened.” I was excited about adding the role of “mother” to my life. We were pregnant the first month, only to go to our 8-week ultrasound and learn our baby had died at six weeks. I was devastated. We had decided to wait a few months before trying to get pregnant again when, surprise, six weeks after my miscarriage, I found out I was six weeks pregnant. I was confused and hurting. I wrestled with God and tried to understand Him for several months before I fully surrendered myself to His ways and fully embraced my pregnancy. We then eagerly awaited the birth of our son. On April 2, 2009 Addison Reid was born. I was a mother. Now I was anything but bored. However, in the midst of my business, exhaustion and raging hormones I found myself profoundly unsatisfied. I realized I had tried basically every different major role I could hold for the better part of my life and had found them all wanting. This is where my journey of discovery began.
My journey of discovery is messy. I didn’t come to any profound discoveries from one book, conversation, sermon or even month. It is a journey I am still on. Many things have deeply impacted the way I live my life. Through conversations with respected friends, I discovered it was all right and even important to feed my desire for intellectual stimulation through reading “nerdy” books and blogging. I read “Sacred Marriage” by Gary Thomas and was transformed from viewing my marriage as a means of making me happy to viewing it as a tool God can use to make me holy. Memorizing scripture has caused me to meditate on the Word and take to heart many things that God has used to transform me. Through studying Romans I have rediscovered the Good News of the God’s Gospel and continue to wrestle with how to apply it to my daily life.
The topic, however, that has most deeply impacted the dissatisfaction and boredom that has characterized the last several years, is that of calling. I started thinking about calling when I read “The Call”, by Os Guinness. I realized, above all else, God has called me to himself. Guinness says it better than I could when he says, “Our primary calling as followers of Christ is by him, to him and for him. First and foremost we are called to Someone (God), not to something (such as motherhood, politics, or teaching) or to somewhere (such as the inner city or Outer Mongolia). (pg. 31)”. I have had a relationship with God since I was 3. But this year I discovered in a whole new light how much God wanted me to come to Him, accept his grace and allow Him to transform every part of me.
Guinness continues describing his breakdown of calling saying, “Our secondary calling, considering who God is as sovereign, is that everyone, everywhere, and in everything should think, speak, live and act entirely for him. …if we understand calling, we must make sure that first things remain first and the primary calling always comes before the secondary calling. But we must also make sure that the primary calling leads without fail to the secondary calling (pg. 31).” And so, I was deeply challenged to make sure that my secondary callings (wife, mother, friend, and others) were in their proper place and being fueled and motivated by God’s call of me to Himself.
Colossians 3:15-17 has become a life verse for me as I struggle daily to make my marriage, home and relationships a practical outworking of my calling to God.
“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
Remember, I said this is messy. Every day I wrestle with how to work these principles out in my life. Here are a few examples of how I am trying to do this today, in the winter, with an 11th month old and a husband who is a 4th year medical student. Each day my single most important task must be to spend time with God, whether it’s an hour in the morning over coffee or 5 minutes as I’m falling asleep, which is a lesson I learned this last weekend. I’ve realized in order to create a peaceful household I need to be home 2 days a week (not including going to the gym). I am trying to shut my laptop so I don’t glance at my email every 5 minutes; I have learned that habit is distracting, not productive. And I could go on.
Let me summarize all this to say, during my time in Rochester I have discovered my calling in life. Kind of cheesy, I know. But it’s true. However, I haven’t arrived. But my calling isn’t a destination; it is a journey. It is a journey of growing in my relationship with my Savior and a journey of discovering how that relationship transforms every aspect of my life. As Guinness says at the end of his book, “So we are on a journey and we are truly travelers, with all the attendant costs, risks, and dangers of the journey. Never in this life can we say we have arrived. But we know why we have lost our original home and, more importantly, we know the home to which we are going (pg. 228).” One cannot be bored on such a journey.
Love Gift - 2010
By Nicole D.
If I had to summarize my time in Rochester with one word, it would be “discovery”. I have discovered a lot about myself, my marriage, my calling and my God. Most of my discovery comes from hindsight, so bear with me as I reflect for a few minutes.
I have held many different roles during my time here. I joined Kevin in Rochester at the end of April 3 years ago; we had been married exactly one week. No one has perfect motives for anything and I am no exception. I had waited years to be married, hoping Kevin would be “the one”. I must admit, there was a part of me that hoped this would make me finally feel complete. I don’t need to tell any of you that being married simply didn’t “complete me” the way I had hoped. After about six weeks I was bored and unemployed.
But I didn’t see my discontent for what it truly was and instead started looking towards having a job to occupy time and be that missing piece. Two months after becoming a wife, I added the role of “receptionist” to my repertoire. Nothing glamorous, but it paid the bills and occupied time. Soon, however, I was bored again [Disclaimer: I loved the people I worked with at RE/MAX, just not the actual work I was doing]. I felt my skills and intelligence were being wasted, and I longed to work in a position where what I did was meaningful. So, I decided I should continue with my original career plan, and I began working on my master’s in NT studies. After two quarters in an online program I found myself “unsatisfied with the caliber of the program” (please hear “bored”).
At this point, Kevin and I had been married for a year, and we decided we would go off the pill and “see what happened.” I was excited about adding the role of “mother” to my life. We were pregnant the first month, only to go to our 8-week ultrasound and learn our baby had died at six weeks. I was devastated. We had decided to wait a few months before trying to get pregnant again when, surprise, six weeks after my miscarriage, I found out I was six weeks pregnant. I was confused and hurting. I wrestled with God and tried to understand Him for several months before I fully surrendered myself to His ways and fully embraced my pregnancy. We then eagerly awaited the birth of our son. On April 2, 2009 Addison Reid was born. I was a mother. Now I was anything but bored. However, in the midst of my business, exhaustion and raging hormones I found myself profoundly unsatisfied. I realized I had tried basically every different major role I could hold for the better part of my life and had found them all wanting. This is where my journey of discovery began.
My journey of discovery is messy. I didn’t come to any profound discoveries from one book, conversation, sermon or even month. It is a journey I am still on. Many things have deeply impacted the way I live my life. Through conversations with respected friends, I discovered it was all right and even important to feed my desire for intellectual stimulation through reading “nerdy” books and blogging. I read “Sacred Marriage” by Gary Thomas and was transformed from viewing my marriage as a means of making me happy to viewing it as a tool God can use to make me holy. Memorizing scripture has caused me to meditate on the Word and take to heart many things that God has used to transform me. Through studying Romans I have rediscovered the Good News of the God’s Gospel and continue to wrestle with how to apply it to my daily life.
The topic, however, that has most deeply impacted the dissatisfaction and boredom that has characterized the last several years, is that of calling. I started thinking about calling when I read “The Call”, by Os Guinness. I realized, above all else, God has called me to himself. Guinness says it better than I could when he says, “Our primary calling as followers of Christ is by him, to him and for him. First and foremost we are called to Someone (God), not to something (such as motherhood, politics, or teaching) or to somewhere (such as the inner city or Outer Mongolia). (pg. 31)”. I have had a relationship with God since I was 3. But this year I discovered in a whole new light how much God wanted me to come to Him, accept his grace and allow Him to transform every part of me.
Guinness continues describing his breakdown of calling saying, “Our secondary calling, considering who God is as sovereign, is that everyone, everywhere, and in everything should think, speak, live and act entirely for him. …if we understand calling, we must make sure that first things remain first and the primary calling always comes before the secondary calling. But we must also make sure that the primary calling leads without fail to the secondary calling (pg. 31).” And so, I was deeply challenged to make sure that my secondary callings (wife, mother, friend, and others) were in their proper place and being fueled and motivated by God’s call of me to Himself.
Colossians 3:15-17 has become a life verse for me as I struggle daily to make my marriage, home and relationships a practical outworking of my calling to God.
“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
Remember, I said this is messy. Every day I wrestle with how to work these principles out in my life. Here are a few examples of how I am trying to do this today, in the winter, with an 11th month old and a husband who is a 4th year medical student. Each day my single most important task must be to spend time with God, whether it’s an hour in the morning over coffee or 5 minutes as I’m falling asleep, which is a lesson I learned this last weekend. I’ve realized in order to create a peaceful household I need to be home 2 days a week (not including going to the gym). I am trying to shut my laptop so I don’t glance at my email every 5 minutes; I have learned that habit is distracting, not productive. And I could go on.
Let me summarize all this to say, during my time in Rochester I have discovered my calling in life. Kind of cheesy, I know. But it’s true. However, I haven’t arrived. But my calling isn’t a destination; it is a journey. It is a journey of growing in my relationship with my Savior and a journey of discovering how that relationship transforms every aspect of my life. As Guinness says at the end of his book, “So we are on a journey and we are truly travelers, with all the attendant costs, risks, and dangers of the journey. Never in this life can we say we have arrived. But we know why we have lost our original home and, more importantly, we know the home to which we are going (pg. 228).” One cannot be bored on such a journey.
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