- Home
- Who We Are
- Weekly Studies
- Garden Gate
- About Rochester, MN
- National SBS
- Side By Side Blog
- Donate
- Register
Promote Your Page Too
SBS Love Gift 2010
Learning to be Content in All Circumstances
By Lori D.
I was blessed to grow up in Suffolk, VA with two parents and one younger sister in a Christian home. My mother introduced me to Christ as my Savior at a young age, so he has always been in my life. Unfortunately, as a teenager and young adult, I did not always consult him on important decisions, he has always been there. I spent all of my growing up years in the same little community and spent many happy times at church. I also lived within an hour’s driving distance of the bulk of my family on both sides, and had lots of visits with them. Those visits and time spent helped ingrain in me, a strong sense of family. I spent most of my summers at our local pool swimming, playing and later being a lifeguard and swim instructor. My family also took many vacations together over the years. We spent many hours on the beach, camping in the mountains and visiting many of the historical sites throughout the state. I had a very happy childhood.
Fast forward to college. I was accepted and attended the College of William and Mary in Williamsburg, VA – the college of my dreams! I had aspirations of becoming an elementary school teacher and knew my husband prospects after college would most likely be slim, so the hunt was on! At the beginning of my sophomore year, I met someone I thought might fit the bill. Wilson and I had both gotten terrible housing lottery numbers and ended up at a set of dorms off-campus next to the state mental institution. Not sure what the college was trying to tell us! We met at a hall mixer where I learned his name and that he had plans to go on to medical school. We dated through college. After graduation, I told him it was time to fish or cut bait, so after 5 years of dating we got engaged and married a year later. I moved from living with my parents to be with Wilson in Richmond,VA while he finished his Master’s Degree. We will celebrate 13 wonderful years together in June.
At that time, I had gotten my Masters in Education and was teaching 5th grade. During the first year we were married, Wilson was accepted into medical school at the Medical College of VA in Richmond and I began preparing myself for being a “doctor’s wife,” whatever that meant! In his second year of med school he decided he might like to get his PhD so our 4 years of med school turned into 6 years of MD/PhD work. Meanwhile, I had quit teaching (a whole other story) and was the Residency Administrator for the Dept of Pediatrics at MCV – my dream job that the Lord had been saving for me!
Originally, we thought we’d wait until after med school to start a family but with that time lengthened, and neither of us getting any younger, so we decided to get started. Carter, our son, was born at the start of Wilson’s last year of med school. There were lots of changes that academic year. I became a working mom and we had to rank residencies for the Match and then, possibly, move.
Being a VA girl, through and through, I didn’t want to move anywhere. I loved my job and the city we called home. Wilson had other plans. You see, he was born in Rochester while his dad completed his Ortho residency at Mayo. I had often heard Wilson remark that he might like to go back to Rochester for the 7-year residency in Neurosurgery. I wasn’t worried yet, but after he came back from his interview and loved Mayo, I knew I was in trouble. He ranked Mayo first. My prayer at the time was, “Lord, send us where you want us to go, but please not Minnesota!” Well, we all know how that turned out!! In hindsight, I see that God sent us not where I wanted to go but where I needed to go.
I had many mixed emotions about moving to Rochester. It was 1200 miles away from my family and all that I knew. It was going to be extremely cold and snowy. My husband wouldn’t be around much and I had a not quite one-year-old and another baby on the way. How was I going to manage? Now I see, that it wasn’t about how I was going to manage but how God was going to manage. Since coming to Rochester we have added 3 more precious babies to our family: Caroline, Charlotte and Corinne. Next month we will be moving to Jacksonville to complete a one-year fellowship in endovascular neurosurgery, and then, I think, we’ll be done.
As I pondered what to speak about today, I thought, what have I learned during my time in Rochester? I’ve learned lots of things but decided to relate one of my biggest struggles: learning to be content with my circumstances. I’m learning to be content with lots of things: that I’m never going to look 18 again without lots of surgery, that my dreams need to be put on hold for a while in order to raise my children, that I’ll be the one that shoulders most of the burden at home, that we don’t have money for everything I want, that I live far away from my family, that my husband isn’t around much and he probably won’t be around much when he’s done either – just the life of a neurosurgeon. Not really the family life I had envisioned in my dreams.
I have realized that much of my contentment is not wrapped up in being a mom but in being a wife. The decisions we make as a couple regarding his career have the most bearing on my contentment or lack there of. Being discontented is a great way to damage your relationship with your husband and your God. I find comfort in verses from Paul’s letter to the Phillipians: “…..for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” (4:11-13) If Paul could be content in his circumstances, I can be that too, with God’s help.
Sometimes I am still bitter and not content with Wilson’s schedule, with the amount of time he spends at home, and with the dried out dinners he eats with me at 10:00 when the kids are fast alseep. But I know that my relationships with him, God and my children all depend on how I handle and work through those feelings. I know now that God put me with Wilson for a reason, because he knew that I could handle it, and that Wilson needed a wife who could support him through years of training and beyond. I try to dwell on Proverbs 31:10-12 “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.” And really I’m not working through these issues for my husband or myself, I working through them for God because that is what he calls me to do as a wife. To quote Beth Moore from her series on Esther, “To live for the greatness of God is to live a great life…….Every one of us who embraces the glory of God as our purpose will end up doing great things precisely because we do God-things.” I have to remember, its not about me, its about God. He is first.
You might think, what have I done to help work out these feelings of bitterness and discontent? First, I pray, pray and pray some more. I pray for myself, my husband, our marriage, his life at the hospital. Second, I try to make studying God’s word a priority. I make coming on Friday morning a priority. Third, while being with other resident wives is an important part of handling residency, I also think its important to find another group of women who aren’t in your same situation. I do that through MOPS. Being with a group of women in different circumstances helps with the realization that every wife has her issues to work through even when not married to a doctor. Lastly, I found a church home where the word is preached and I am challenged to live the life that God intended for me. All of these things have helped me draw closer to being content in my circumstances.
After saying all this, remember that I am work in progress and still have bouts of not being content. So don’t think that I’ve figured it all out. But I do have the dream of being the wife God wants me to be and working towards that goal.
In closing, I’d like to quote from The Power of a Positive Wife by Karol Ladd. I read this book during Summer Study a few years ago and her words really hit home for me. The book helped me see what being a wife was really all about from a Christian perspective. “Being a positive wife means being responsible for our own behavior, even when life isn’t fair. It means giving all we can and then leaving the results to God. Being a positive wife is not about being perfect; it’s about being faithful to be who God called us to be in our marriages.” AMEN
Learning to be Content in All Circumstances
By Lori D.
I was blessed to grow up in Suffolk, VA with two parents and one younger sister in a Christian home. My mother introduced me to Christ as my Savior at a young age, so he has always been in my life. Unfortunately, as a teenager and young adult, I did not always consult him on important decisions, he has always been there. I spent all of my growing up years in the same little community and spent many happy times at church. I also lived within an hour’s driving distance of the bulk of my family on both sides, and had lots of visits with them. Those visits and time spent helped ingrain in me, a strong sense of family. I spent most of my summers at our local pool swimming, playing and later being a lifeguard and swim instructor. My family also took many vacations together over the years. We spent many hours on the beach, camping in the mountains and visiting many of the historical sites throughout the state. I had a very happy childhood.
Fast forward to college. I was accepted and attended the College of William and Mary in Williamsburg, VA – the college of my dreams! I had aspirations of becoming an elementary school teacher and knew my husband prospects after college would most likely be slim, so the hunt was on! At the beginning of my sophomore year, I met someone I thought might fit the bill. Wilson and I had both gotten terrible housing lottery numbers and ended up at a set of dorms off-campus next to the state mental institution. Not sure what the college was trying to tell us! We met at a hall mixer where I learned his name and that he had plans to go on to medical school. We dated through college. After graduation, I told him it was time to fish or cut bait, so after 5 years of dating we got engaged and married a year later. I moved from living with my parents to be with Wilson in Richmond,VA while he finished his Master’s Degree. We will celebrate 13 wonderful years together in June.
At that time, I had gotten my Masters in Education and was teaching 5th grade. During the first year we were married, Wilson was accepted into medical school at the Medical College of VA in Richmond and I began preparing myself for being a “doctor’s wife,” whatever that meant! In his second year of med school he decided he might like to get his PhD so our 4 years of med school turned into 6 years of MD/PhD work. Meanwhile, I had quit teaching (a whole other story) and was the Residency Administrator for the Dept of Pediatrics at MCV – my dream job that the Lord had been saving for me!
Originally, we thought we’d wait until after med school to start a family but with that time lengthened, and neither of us getting any younger, so we decided to get started. Carter, our son, was born at the start of Wilson’s last year of med school. There were lots of changes that academic year. I became a working mom and we had to rank residencies for the Match and then, possibly, move.
Being a VA girl, through and through, I didn’t want to move anywhere. I loved my job and the city we called home. Wilson had other plans. You see, he was born in Rochester while his dad completed his Ortho residency at Mayo. I had often heard Wilson remark that he might like to go back to Rochester for the 7-year residency in Neurosurgery. I wasn’t worried yet, but after he came back from his interview and loved Mayo, I knew I was in trouble. He ranked Mayo first. My prayer at the time was, “Lord, send us where you want us to go, but please not Minnesota!” Well, we all know how that turned out!! In hindsight, I see that God sent us not where I wanted to go but where I needed to go.
I had many mixed emotions about moving to Rochester. It was 1200 miles away from my family and all that I knew. It was going to be extremely cold and snowy. My husband wouldn’t be around much and I had a not quite one-year-old and another baby on the way. How was I going to manage? Now I see, that it wasn’t about how I was going to manage but how God was going to manage. Since coming to Rochester we have added 3 more precious babies to our family: Caroline, Charlotte and Corinne. Next month we will be moving to Jacksonville to complete a one-year fellowship in endovascular neurosurgery, and then, I think, we’ll be done.
As I pondered what to speak about today, I thought, what have I learned during my time in Rochester? I’ve learned lots of things but decided to relate one of my biggest struggles: learning to be content with my circumstances. I’m learning to be content with lots of things: that I’m never going to look 18 again without lots of surgery, that my dreams need to be put on hold for a while in order to raise my children, that I’ll be the one that shoulders most of the burden at home, that we don’t have money for everything I want, that I live far away from my family, that my husband isn’t around much and he probably won’t be around much when he’s done either – just the life of a neurosurgeon. Not really the family life I had envisioned in my dreams.
I have realized that much of my contentment is not wrapped up in being a mom but in being a wife. The decisions we make as a couple regarding his career have the most bearing on my contentment or lack there of. Being discontented is a great way to damage your relationship with your husband and your God. I find comfort in verses from Paul’s letter to the Phillipians: “…..for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” (4:11-13) If Paul could be content in his circumstances, I can be that too, with God’s help.
Sometimes I am still bitter and not content with Wilson’s schedule, with the amount of time he spends at home, and with the dried out dinners he eats with me at 10:00 when the kids are fast alseep. But I know that my relationships with him, God and my children all depend on how I handle and work through those feelings. I know now that God put me with Wilson for a reason, because he knew that I could handle it, and that Wilson needed a wife who could support him through years of training and beyond. I try to dwell on Proverbs 31:10-12 “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.” And really I’m not working through these issues for my husband or myself, I working through them for God because that is what he calls me to do as a wife. To quote Beth Moore from her series on Esther, “To live for the greatness of God is to live a great life…….Every one of us who embraces the glory of God as our purpose will end up doing great things precisely because we do God-things.” I have to remember, its not about me, its about God. He is first.
You might think, what have I done to help work out these feelings of bitterness and discontent? First, I pray, pray and pray some more. I pray for myself, my husband, our marriage, his life at the hospital. Second, I try to make studying God’s word a priority. I make coming on Friday morning a priority. Third, while being with other resident wives is an important part of handling residency, I also think its important to find another group of women who aren’t in your same situation. I do that through MOPS. Being with a group of women in different circumstances helps with the realization that every wife has her issues to work through even when not married to a doctor. Lastly, I found a church home where the word is preached and I am challenged to live the life that God intended for me. All of these things have helped me draw closer to being content in my circumstances.
After saying all this, remember that I am work in progress and still have bouts of not being content. So don’t think that I’ve figured it all out. But I do have the dream of being the wife God wants me to be and working towards that goal.
In closing, I’d like to quote from The Power of a Positive Wife by Karol Ladd. I read this book during Summer Study a few years ago and her words really hit home for me. The book helped me see what being a wife was really all about from a Christian perspective. “Being a positive wife means being responsible for our own behavior, even when life isn’t fair. It means giving all we can and then leaving the results to God. Being a positive wife is not about being perfect; it’s about being faithful to be who God called us to be in our marriages.” AMEN
Create a free website with
Weebly
